Up there with ‘The Dad Joke’ in terms of cringe-worthiness, the rich history of jokes about jazz may not always be laugh-out-loud funny, but they do give a light-hearted insight into the camaraderie, resilience and spirit of the jazz world over the years.
The late nights, constant artistic struggle and often underpaid life of a jazz musician certainly needs some balancing out and many have turned to humour to keep things light.
If you’ve ever visited a local jazz club or played with musicians over a certain (ahem) advanced aged, you’ve no doubt had a joke about jazz whispered in your ear.
We’ve pulled together a collection of some of the most famous (read: over-told) jazz jokes that we’ve heard over the years, in the hope that even one may raise a wry smile…
What are we missing? Head to the comments section at the end…
Jokes About Jazz Finances
- How do you make a million dollars running a jazz club? Start with two million!
- What’s the difference between a jazz musician and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
- What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend/boyfriend? Homeless.
- How do you get a jazz musician off your porch? Pay for the pizza.
- What’s the definition of a jazz musician? A man or woman whose wife/girlfriend has two jobs.
Instrument-specific jazz jokes
- How do you know when there’s a drummer at your door? The knocking speeds up.
- What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.
- Why do some people take an instant aversion to bass players? It saves time in the long run.
- What’s the difference between a drummer and a savings bond? Eventually, the savings bond will mature and earn money.
- How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to handle the bulb, and four to contemplate how Charlie Parker would have done it.
- How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one.
- How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? Put it in a trumpet case.
- What’s the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? Vibrato.
- How do you know when a singer is at your door? They can’t find the key and they don’t know when to come in.
- How do you make a guitar player turn down? Put a chart in front of him.
- How do you get a trumpet player to play softly? Take away his instrument.
- How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist? He doesn’t know how to use the slide and he can’t swing.
- What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? The rock guitarist plays three chords in front of thousands of people, and the jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords in front of three people.
Thanks for reading!
What did we miss? Feel free to share your favourites below…